My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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