is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
