i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
