Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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