Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you never un-have a 4some
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
