Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
