My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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