Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
