I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
