i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
