my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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