K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
