Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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