but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
whose parrot is this?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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