The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
