Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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