Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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