I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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