It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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