honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
being pregnant is like rehab
Can I color on your dick again?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
