Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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