What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
