One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize