Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My vagina is officially offended.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i believe in u and ur pee
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
