why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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