I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
