is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
