3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
