the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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