Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
