so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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