is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
