Will you blow on my dice?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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