it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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