Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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