I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
