Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
