Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
