she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Randomize
