It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
