And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
