just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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