You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
