my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
