69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
