Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
