I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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