i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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