Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
