Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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