All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
