Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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