um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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