He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
