I molested 6 butterflies tonight
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
