So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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