idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think your dad took our porno
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
