some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
