the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
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For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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