I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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