best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
