Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
