You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
