Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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