even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
