dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.