I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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