My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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