i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
