Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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