she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.