You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
