True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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