Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here