Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
