it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
