I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish you could order shots online.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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